A Harmless Trip to the Mall
by Jedeye13
Summary: What could possibly go wrong when Barret, Cid, and Yuffie head towards the mall? About everything. Any reviews will be appreciated.


A Harmless Trip to the Mall  
  
Another beautiful day at Costa Del Sol. Cloud, Aeris, Vincent, and Tifa all headed out to the beach to do some scuba diving. Red XIII and Cait Sith went to a pet convention, there was the unveiling of a new flea color that neither of them could miss. Yuffie is well we all know Yuffie is getting a 5 finger discount at the local materia store. This leaves Barret and Cid in the Villa catching the Dukes & A-Team Power hour.  
  
Cid: Hell yeah, nothing like a good cig and watchin the Dukes.  
  
Barret: Hey foo' shut (&$#(*&#$ up it's time for A-Team.  
  
*the intro starts but is then interrupted by an anouncement*  
  
TV: We're sorry but A-Team will not be shown today due to the Mayoral Debate for Costa Del Sol.  
  
Barret: MOTHER #$)(&#$(#&$#$#$(#$ FOO'S! #$)(#&$#()$&#$_)*$#)*Y^%_)#$#$(*#%)(*%A#@($#%))(!  
  
Cid: *picks up paper* Damn that's a #$*&#$(# tough...Hey barret check out the paper. *tosses him the paper*  
  
Barret: Foo' this better be...MR. T IS GOIN TO BE AT THE CHOCOBO MALL TODAY! FOO' WE GOT TO GO!  
  
Cid: Ah why the *#$&#$( not. Dukes is over.   
  
Barret: Foo' let's get the )(*#$(& outta here. *the two walk outside*  
  
Cid: Hey where the hell is that damn mall at?  
  
Barret: Foo' how's I'm supposed to know?  
  
Cid: *sees yuffie* Hey that pain in the @$$ Yuffie should know where it is. She's one of those aannoying teens that spend all their damn time at the mall and piss me off because they get all the Backstereet...*barret looks at him* Man there for Shera she likes those babbling idiots.  
  
Barret: Foo' I don't wanna know.   
  
Cid: Ah shuddap. HEY YUFFIE GET YOUR NO GOOD CLEPTOMANIAC @$$ OVER HERE!  
  
Yuffie: *about to steal some very tall and large guy's materia but is caught* Oh hey is that yours? Oops my bad. Here you take it and I'll RUN THIS WAY! *takes off running* GAWD WHAT AN IDIOT!  
  
Barret: Foo' you gotta stop stealin stuff that's not yours.  
  
Yuffie: *hiding behind Cid*Oh look its Mr. Rogers with the lesson for today.  
  
Barret: Who foo'?  
  
Cid: Never mind. Get out from behind me.   
  
Yuffie: GAWD! I can't do anything. Yuffie don't steal, Yuffie don't try to kill fliew tih Vincent's Death Penalty, don't replace Cloud's gel with glue! GAWD!  
  
Cid: We never said you couldn't do that last one.   
  
Barret: Foo' we're missing the job at hand.  
  
Yuffie: What job?  
  
Cid: Clepto we need to find the mall so Barret can meet Mr. T.  
  
Yuffie: GAWD! We've been here for how long and you idiots don't know where the Mall is!   
  
Barret: Foo' what's your point?  
  
Yuffie: Yeah I'll show you where the mall is but you guys look the other way next time you see me doing something 'not prudent'  
  
Barret: Foo' what the hell you sayin?  
  
Cid: Stop watching those SNL Reruns Yuffie.  
  
Barret: SN what? Foos' you lost me.  
  
Cid: What she's trying to say is the next time we catch her tryin to steal we can't smack her upside her head and take her to Cloud and let him deal with her.  
  
Barret: HELL NO! That )(&#$#$)(* needs to learn the laws. Besides Foo' that's #$)(*#$_$%)(*#$_+)#( FUN!  
  
Cid: *thinks about it* Barret's right that is #@$_)(#*#_)%*#A%_(#*%#% fun. No deal.  
  
Yuffie: Fine, then Cid has to give me his Backstreet Boy Cd's.  
  
Cid: Look they're not mine. There Sheras.  
  
Yuffie: Sure and I didn't change Barret's bullets with Jellybeans.  
  
Barret: $#)(%&#)%(&%$%)(*#$%(#% YUFFIE! I KNEW THAT WAS YOU! *tries to jump at Yuffie* #)(%&#%(#_(%*_#%*)(A#*%( YUFFIE! *cid holds him back*  
  
Yuffie: Okay new deal, Cid keeps his Cd's...  
  
Cid: THEY'RE NOT )($#%#_*% MINE.  
  
Yuffie: Yeah whatever. Ci..I mean Shera keeps her Cd's, but Barret forgets about the whole Jellybean thing and I show you to the mall.  
  
Barret: Okay Foo' but don't )(&#)$#$_)* DO THAT AGAIN!  
  
Yuffie: Gawd I said I was sorry.  
  
Cid: No you didn't clepto.  
  
Yuffie: Well I thought it..sort of. Hey what do you mean by clepto?  
  
Cid: Steal a dictionary and look it up.  
  
Barret: Foo' you gotta set a good example for the clepto.  
  
Cid: You're right. Clepto borrow and not "borrow" one.  
  
Yuffie: GAWD! What do you take me for an idiot? *Cid about to say something* Don't answer that Backstreet Man.  
  
Cid: FOR THE LAST #$)(&#$#)($&$# TIME THEY'RE SHERAS!  
  
Yuffie: Whatever. Follow me you idiots. *starts walking to the mall*  
  
Barret: *whispers* Foo' once we get to the mall we ditch the little clepto. *cid nods*  
  
*The three make there way to the mall so Barret can meet his Favorite TV star Mr. T. "I pitty da foo that don't keep readin." as Mr. T might say if you know I gave him enough money to say it. But wait somewhere in the North Crater somoene is stirring. I wonder who it is? I'll give you a hint his name ends in ephiroth. DUM DUM DUM*  
  
Sephy: *sitting in a chair watching TV* Damn failing to become a god really sucks. Evryday I have to here that stupid slug say Why couldn't you become god all my friends and there sons became gods but not you.   
  
Jenova: What was that?  
  
Sephy: Uh I'm going to going to go and *sees commercial for meeting Mr. T* see Mr. T...who the hell is Mr. T?  
  
Jenova: YOU'RE GOING TO GO SEE MR. T! BRING ME BACK AN AUTOGRAPH SON!  
  
Sephy: Ah damnit. I have to go get some weirdo's for that crazy slug!  
  
Jenova: I HEARD THAT!  
  
Sephy: Oh crap. *flies off towards the mall*  
  
*Now back to Cid, Barret, and the clept..I mean Yuffie. They finally reached the mall.*  
  
Yuffie: Well we're here.  
  
Cid: Huh who'd a thunk it was right next to the cigarette shop all this time.   
  
Barret: Yuffie why didn't you jus say its by the Gun shop.  
  
Yuffie: GAWD! I'm surrounded by morons.  
  
*Suddenly God Boy bursts onto the scene*  
  
Sephy: Okay now where's that friggin idiot Mr. T?  
  
Barret: Foo' thems fightin words  
  
Cid: I didn't say it.  
  
Yuffie: Why does that voice sound familiar?  
  
Sephy: *looks around* FRIGGIN AVALANCHE IS HERE!  
  
Yuffie,Cid,&Barret: IT'S #$()*%#$_%#%_)*#%)*%_#%)*#% GOD BOY!  
  
Yuffie: *everyone stares at Yuffie* What?  
  
Sephy: You two are corrupting that young girl's mind.  
  
Barret: Foo' you tried to send a big _)(*#$#_$%(#%) ROCK TOWARDS THE #$)*#%)*#%^# PLANET AND YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT THAT #$)#(%# CLEPTO.  
  
Cid: Besides her mind was already messed up to begin with.  
  
Yuffie: You two do know that I'm right here?  
  
Barret: Foo' she's trying to make a #$*#$ point. That's so cute.  
  
Sephy: HE JUST SAID CUTE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Barret: What the _)(*$@$()*@$ are you laughin' 'bout? *cocks gun arm*  
  
Yuffie: OH NO! I COME TO THIS MALL AND I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO BE BANNED BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOUR TEMPER! GAWD!  
  
Barret: Foo' what's the clepto yakkin' about?  
  
Cid: Somethin about not shooting god boy in the mall.  
  
Sephy: STOP CALLING ME THAT! Try slamming a meteor into the planet to become a god ONE TIME and they never let you forget.  
  
Yuffie: Right.   
  
Dr. Evil: *appears from no where* STOP STEALING MY LINE!  
  
Yuffie: IT'S NOT YOU'RE LINE! GAWD!  
  
Sephy: Actually he did come up with it.  
  
Yuffie: And you're point being?  
  
Dr. Evil: Friggin idiots start using my line and I have to come all this FRIGGIN WAY TO STOP THEM!   
  
Barret: *whispers to Cid* Foo' let's ditch these #@$)*#$ up foo's while the gettin' is still good.  
  
Cid: Got that right. *the two tip toe out yes that's right tip toe you don't like it than go and read some other fic where Barret, Cid, Yuffie, and Sephy go to the mall in attempt to meet Mr. T. Go ahead I dare you...okay now that the peop...I mean person that actually is still interested in this fic is here we can continue*  
  
Barret: *the two are almost in sight of Mr. T but a far off noise is heard* Foo' you hear that?  
  
Cid: What?  
  
Barret: Sounds almost like some foo's gettin chased by someone.  
  
Cid: You crazy.   
  
Sephy: *running with Dr. Evil and both being chased by Yuffie* MMOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!  
  
Dr. Evil: SHE STOLE MY *does stupid quotations* LASER!  
  
Yuffie: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *shooting things with the "LASER"*  
  
Barret: LET'S GET THE @$()*&@#(*&@#)(%&)(@&)%(&#@%)(&%(_#% OUTTA HERE FOO'!  
  
Cid: #$)(&#$#$)(& YEAH! *the two take off the other way*  
  
Jed: *in a gaming store* Hey guys check this out. *motions for Shane and Anne to come and look*  
  
Shane: *walks over* A psychotic clepto maniac chasing a man with a gun arm, a pilot, someone who wanted to be a god, and a really evil doctor with a laser. Don't see that everyday.  
  
Anne: You called me over for that. I had finally found a Gin Blossom CD. Besides I saw that yesterday. *Jed and shane look at her* Seriously.  
  
Shane: No really you found their CD?  
  
Anne: Yeah it's right over here. *walks back over*  
  
Jed&Shane: HOT DIGGITY DAMN! *run over*  
  
*okay now back to the story if you dare...*  
  
Jenova: in the North Crater* Sephy NEEDS ME! hehehe To damn bad. Teach him to call me a slug.  
  
Yuffie: HAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT AND THAT AND THAT AND THAT AND THAT! *blasting crazy*  
  
Barret: Foo' there's only one person who can stop this.  
  
Cid: Cloud?  
  
Barret: HELL NO! That Foo' Couldn't find his way out of a box. Foo we need Aeris.  
  
Cid: Speak of the...  
  
Aeris: *Aeris and Cloud appear around the corner* Uh Cloud...  
  
Cloud: Yes..Why is Yuffie shooting a laser all around?  
  
Sephy: *turns and sees Aeris* CETRA! SPIKEY HEADED MORON! MUST AVENGE MOMMY!  
  
Cloud: Is it me or did he just say mommy?  
  
Aeris: I'd rather not know.  
  
Sephy: *runs with masamune drawn* PREPARE FOR YOU'RE DOOOM!  
  
*Jed, Shane, Anne turn the corner to find crazy clepto. Timmy's not far behind. Oh yeah Timmy's has a little grudge against them*  
  
Timmy: Timmy finally gets revenge! *runs to the three*  
  
Shane: STUPID DOLL! *drop kicks him and takes out Sephy*  
  
Sephy: *seeing stars* Did...someone...get the...name of...that...doll?  
  
Everyone: That was really lame. *yuffie stopped shooting everything*  
  
Yuffie: Can I continue?  
  
Barret&Cid: #%#()%&#)%*#)%*_)#%&_(#&%)(#*_%*#_%*U_)#*%)#*%_)*#%_)*#_)%*#_*%#_%*_)%#* NO YOU STUPID #_*%#_%*#_(%U#(%&)#*%#(%&_)(#%*_)#*%)+#*%)*#_)%*#_&%(#%)#*%(#)%*&_)#*%_)#*%_*#%)*#_%*_)%#*_*% CLEPTO!  
  
Cloud: *looks at Aeris* Uh hun mind putting an end to this before the rating guy comes and...bad things happen.  
  
Aeris: Gotcha. *closes her eyes and concentrates* SLEEPEL!  
  
Yuffie: Oh I'm tired. *falls to the floor*  
  
Cloud: Ahh even the little demon looks like a angel...well less like a devil child when she's asleep.   
  
Aeris: Come on Cloud we better get clep...I mean Yuffie back before anything else unpleasant happens.  
  
Cloud: I like it when you use big words.  
  
Aeris: I love it when you pretend to be stupid.  
  
Everone: HE'S PRETENDING?! MY FOOT!  
  
Dr. Evil: Well that friggin idiot seems to be asleep. I must now get back and hold the world for ransom! *does evil pose*  
  
Anne,Shane,&Jed: Right.  
  
Dr. Evil: WILL I EVER BE RID OF PEOPLE STEALING MY LINE!  
  
Jed: I doubt it.  
  
Dr. Evil: Oh well no use in fighting the inevitable. *disapears*  
  
Shane: How does he do that?  
  
Jed: Same way we do...Very carefully.  
  
Anne: That was lame.  
  
Jed: And you...why do I bother saying it. You know, I know it, Shane knows it, even god boy knows it. Why should I finish the rest of that line.  
  
Shane: So we can go back home and watch Andromeda.  
  
Jed: Ah I see. *concentrates* And you expected something better?  
  
Anne: Actually no.  
  
Shane: Okay now we can go. *the three dissapear*  
  
Cid: I see...well everything seems to be done. We can go home now.  
  
Barret: HELL NO FOO'! I STILL GOTS TO MEET MR.T! *runs down towards the Mr. T booth with Cid following behind*   
  
Cid: Wait the _)(#*$#_)*$ up.  
  
Barret: *looking around for Mr. T* Foo' where's he?  
  
Mr. T: Who you lookin for?  
  
Barret: FOO IT'S MR. T!   
  
Cid: Oh yeah.  
  
Mr. T: You two quit your jibber jabber.  
  
Barret: Foo' can you sign my gun arm.  
  
Mr. T: Alright. *signs Barret's gun arm* To Barret from Mr. T, follow your dreams, don't do drugs, and quit your Jibber Jabber. I gotta go now. Be strong and don't do drugs.  
  
Baret: BYE MR. T! *Mr. T walks out*  
  
Cid: So now we can go home now?  
  
Barret: Of Course foo'. We can get the #$)(*#$_#*$ outta here. *the two head back to the villa*  
  
*Somewhere in the Northern Crater Sephy walks back in*  
  
Jenova: Let me guess...you didn't get Mr. T's autograph. You can kill that damn Cetra but you can't get a friggin autograph.  
  
Sephy: It was that damn doll again.   
  
Jenova: Oh no not that doll crap. Look son it's high time you take responsibility for your own actions.  
  
Sephy: But it really was that damn doll. He knocked me out and by the time I woke up Mr. what ever the hell was gone.   
  
Jenova: OKAY THAT'S IT GO TO YOUR ROOM FOR LYING TO ME! *points a finger type thing*  
  
Sephy: But but but...ah crap. *walks to his room* Go here do that, can't become a god. stupid slug. *waits for Jenova* She didn't hear me! *skips merrily to his room*  
  
Jenova: Oh I heard him. *pulls out ex-lax and pours it into his drink* That'll learn him to call me a slug. Hehehe. Sephy I was being mean. Come and get this chocalate shake I made for you.   
  
Sephy: *lying on his bed looking at Pokemon poster* Really?  
  
Jenova: Yes.  
  
Sephy: HOT DAMN! *jumps out of bed and races to kitchen type place* Thank's mom. *takes big long gulp* That sure hits the spot.  
  
Jenova: Hehehehe.  
  
Sephy: Why are you laughing? *takes another BIG drink*  
  
Jenova: Oh I was just thinking of when you killed that Cetra. *starts laughing* Get's me everytime.  
  
Sephy: If I killed her, then why is she still alive?  
  
Jenova: Ah read one of the Aeris resurrection stories.   
  
Sephy: Any one in particular?  
  
Jenova: Nah they're all pretty good.  
  
Sephy: Okay. *takes last drink and heads to library*  
  
Jenova: Why is he going to the...never mind...I just don't want to know.  
  
THE FRIGGIN END!  
  
By: Jedeye13  
  
A/N: Pretty scary huh? You know the drill. Any reviews will be appreciated. 


End file.
